Last Post

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I’ll never look into your eyes…again
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need…of some…stranger’s hand
In a…desperate land
It hurts to set you free
But you’ll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end

All that happened has opened my eyes. I now know how my wife feels when she’s got this nagging feeling/womens intuition that I’m cheating on her. Makes me appreciate her even more. I will now concentrate 100% on my own family. Players out there… learn from my mistake. Cuntfused is no longer confused.

Is she?

Cheating on me I mean. She has been caught lying again and again. Always for going out with one of our colleague. I don’t know what to do. Should I just give her space?

 Should I just back out? After all, I have my own family. I don’t want to confront her. Too messy. But assumptions are not healthy too. Arghhh I don’t know. Fuck it. I’ll just treat her as a fuck friend. But I can’t. I truly honestly love her.

This is messing me up. I’m back to smoking. Such stupidity. I’m stupid to allow this to kill me. I guess she is enjoying the attention from guys. I guess if she can cheat on her husband with me, she can cheat on me too.

Holiday

She is on holiday with her husband. In a way, its good. It made me realise that I don’t have to be always be near her. It forced me to get hang out with my own friends as well as do things without her.

 I’m glad. I still miss her though.

Cheated

She knows I don’t like to see her talking and having lunch with one of our colleagues. Few days ago, I had an appointment for lunch and she did not want to join us. She said she’ll be eating in the office.

 Later during lunch, I saw her walking out with him. She did not see me. I did not call her or message her about it. After lunch, I asked about hers. With innocent unblinking eyes, she described in detail what she had, who she was with and what happened. Except what she described was a lie. She described everything as if she was eating in the office.

“Did you go out of the office?” I enquired. “Its too hot, I just hung around here in the office.” she said. I smiled. I replied “I must be seeing things then. I thought I saw you holding his arm crossing the road just now.” Her face lost all her pinkness. She’s as white as sheet. I just laughed it off and walked back to my office.

 Try as I might to shrug it off, it bothers me. I know she lied to save my feelings but still, I feel bad. I started smoking again. My chest hurts but I needed it. Nothing else can numb my thoughts. If I could get some weed, I’d have done it.

She tried to apologize later but I changed the topic. I do not want to dwell in the issue because I still and want to trust her. Now I know how my wife will feel if she ever found out about us. I’m a bastard.

Cheat

The family just came back from a holiday. Over it, the wife and I had the opportunity to revive our sex life. We didn’t manage to get any. I just cant get aroused. Somehow, I feel like I’m cheating on my lover.

 Can someone explain? How is it that when I’m making love with my lover it feels perfect and when I do make love with my wife, I feel guilty? I’ve discussed this with my lover. She says she has no problems like that with her husband.

I’m cuntfused.

Last Night

We met last night. Her husband was away on a business trip. We went to her house. We spent sometime talking with her on my lap, kissing at the end of every sentence.

We danced a little. Played strip tic-tac-toe. Took a bath. She blew me. I ate her. Twice. Her pussy juice is just great! I’m not much of a cunninglinguist but she’s satisfied nevertheless.

 Before we started, I told her her we would be finished by a certain time. I don’t know what time exactly when we started, but after cumming twice, both of us, I declared us finished and checked the time. It was right on the dot as I’ve predicted. We cuddled a bit. I feel into a brief nap as she continues kissing me. Her kisses are so relaxing. Then we got up to get cleaned up and went for dinner.

I love this girl. I’ve never loved a girl as much as this. I’m going nuts. This is wrong. We know its wrong. Yet… we just can’t help it. How do we control such things? I have no idea. Somebody… saveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…………. save us.

Weekend

She got drunk last weekend after attending a wedding dinner. She sent some text over the mobile asking if I love her, professing her need for me. She was sending those texts while her husband was around her.

 I hope her husband does not check her phone. If he is anything like my wife, we have a serious problem. One of her text was read by my wife though. Luckily it doesn’t have any implications of a relationship any dearer than pure friendship. We have to keep radio silence forawhile though. At least until the heat is off.

 Sometimes I feel guilty for doing this. One, for betraying my wife. Two, for making her betray her husband. Fuck me.

Holiday

We just got back from a holiday. Our relationship is closer than ever. It was never about sex. We were content with just kissing and hugging each other.

 Over the two days we were together, we did it 10 times. Considering that I’m only her second lover, she gave good head. A fucking good head. Her pussy is incredible! Tighter than a virgin. Wetter than a fish market. Her hunger for making love is amazing. Of all the 3453664 times I’ve made love, this girl gave the best satisfaction. *sigh* It takes a lot to get out of bed from her.

What I love the most was the way she kisses me even though she knows I’m asleep. She is relentless. She kisses me to sleep and continues till I’m awake. The small little kisses and nibbles are so relaxing. Damn! I wish I can sleep with her forever and a day. Why did we had to get married to others? Why didn’t we meet earlier?

History

I’m married with a kid. Though I’ve always been flirtatious, I’ve never done anything that breaks my vows. Well, maybe the occasional date here and there, but never to the point of falling in love and having sex.

 That all ended a few months back. Somehow, I developed feelings for a colleague and incidently, she feels the same. Amazingly, she just got married. We didn’t even realise it until we started to miss each other tremendously everytime we don’t see each other. Its crazy.

I have to admit. I was a player. Way back during my college days. Before marriage. To me, getting a single girl or someone’s girlfriend was not a challenge. My ultimate goal was someone’s wife. Yes, I know I’m a bastard but that’s how it was. I’ve long forgotten that goal until it was accidently achieved.

So now, I’m married and I’m an adulterer. Never would I imagine that it will come up to this. They say feelings can be controlled. I don’t think so. I really don’t think so. Circumstances could be controlled. But feelings… they are mustangs. They run wild.

The Reason

This is my second blog. I need an outlet to broadcast my feelings. Why blog? Because when I scroll my phonebook, I can’t seem to find a name that I can call to tell them what I need to say.

 More than 500 names, yet I can’t find one. How pathetic can one be? I’m currently in a daze. Blur like the picture above. This… I hope will be an awakening.